Hobbit Halloween
by johnsarmylady
Summary: Bilbo has an idea. Not unusual you may think, but he has decided that his friends need to know about the One Ring, and why not play a trick or two in the process. A night of celebration with Bard and the folk from Dale hands him the opportunity he's looking for. Rated K


**Now you may think that Middle earth is immune from Halloween madness...but you'd be wrong. As ever I have played fast and loose with Tolkien's (and Jackson's) story, all of the Company survived, Bilbo stayed, Gandalf didn't (and the dwarves were thankful!), and the men and women of Lake Town now live in Dale...**

The idea hit Bilbo like a runaway Warg. Bard Dragon-Slayer had been happily quaffing Elven wine in the halls of Erebor and waxing lyrical about a long forgotten festival that men celebrated about this time of year called Halloween.

It was a time, he had said, when the ghosts of the dead walked and men stayed indoors when the moon was at its highest, and it marked the passing of the summer and the drawing in of the winter nights.

For over a year, since before the Battle (the anniversary of which they were celebrating with the good folk of Dale) Bilbo had hidden the existence of the Ring, not even owning up to Thorin Oakenshield or the Company who had since become his family, and part of him felt that this was wrong. He didn't like hiding things from his friends it made him feel mean, like Gollum.

So this was an opportunity not to be missed – he could own up to his friends and have some fun at the same time. The question was who should he confide in? Who would be his partner in crime?

xXx

"You're looking very thoughtful Mr Boggins!"

Bilbo looked up into dark mischievous eyes, and suddenly it became clear just who he should invite to join in his fun.

"I was wondering," he said, putting on his most thoughtful expression, "if you could help me with something?"

Kili's face fell as he looked back at the men and dwarves around the table feasting.

"Oh..."

"No, no, no." Bilbo hastened to assure him. "Not right now. Tomorrow. I wonder if you could spare me a little time tomorrow."

The youngest heir to Erebor brightened considerably.

"Afternoon?"

"Or evening." The hobbit nodded agreeably. "Whenever your head feels well enough." And he watched as a happy Kili wandered off to refill his ale tankard with a satisfied smile on his face.

xXx

Despite being only half the height of the new 'King' of Dale, Bilbo offered to escort Bard and his people from Erebor, acting as both Thorin's envoy and as a crutch for the rather drunk man to lean on.

"You're a good fellow." Bard grinned inanely as together he and Bilbo staggered through the main gate to the city and out to where the carts waited to carry them home.

"Thank you." The smaller creature smiled as he half lifted half shoved the man into the back of a cart. "Tell me Bard, when is this long forgotten festival? Soon?"

"We have but three days left before the dead walk." Sobering slightly, the man looked across the land that a year before had been a battlefield. "I truly hope we are not visited by any of the dead of that battle."

"They didn't come last year did they?" Bilbo asked guilelessly.

At that Bard brightened again.

"Indeed they did not!" he declared, smiling once more.

They bade each other farewell, and Bilbo watched the procession start out on the dusty road back to the rejuvenated city of Dale, then wriggled his nose, drew in a deep breath, and wandered back to his own quarters.

xXx

It was nearer supper time when the young dwarf finally put in an appearance outside Bilbo's room. The hobbit himself had – like much of the rest of the Company - only left his quarters to partake in meals, but unlike his good friends he was not nursing a sore head. Instead he was planning an adventure all of his own.

Kili had been regretting his agreement to help, after all there had to be better things he could be doing (here it has to be said that Kili – and to a certain degree Fili too – had never grown up. Despite knowing – or maybe because they knew that they were Thorin's heirs, they refused to give up some of their more - or less - endearing ways) such as following Dwalin about asking inane questions just to see him get mad, or distracting Nori while Fili made off with his pipe or pipe weed... or both if the unfortunate dwarf was really unlucky. Still, he had agreed and that was final, he was enough a son of Durin to know that his word – even given when drunk – should not easily be broken.

"Come in, come in." Bilbo smiled as Kili stepped over the threshold. "Don't look so glum."

"Oh I'm not, truly..."

"Yes you are." The hobbit chided. "You can't fool me. But let me assure you, you'll like what I need you to do."

Guiding him into a seat by the fire, Bilbo sat in a chair opposite him and leaned forward, his voice soft as he explained what he had planned for them.

At the end of it all Kili looked stunned.

"You will turn invisible?" he said, his voice equally hushed as if he was scared that someone might overhear him and think that he had run mad. "Is that something that hobbits can do? Nobody ever told me that!"

"I suppose if I said yes we can, you'd believe me..."

"Well..." Kili looked doubtful.

Bilbo chuckled, and dipped his fingers into his pocket.

"You see this ring? I found it in the tunnels under the goblin city. Now watch..." and he slipped the ring on his finger and promptly disappeared from sight.

"Bilbo!"

But all that remained of the hobbit was his ghostly chuckle filling the room.

"Bilbo come back!"

Kili's fearful shout unfortunately attracted the attention of his brother who was, at that moment wandering past the hobbit's door. He burst in, half expecting to see...well, to be fair he wasn't sure what he was expecting to see, considering there were no windows that their burglar could have left through, and knowing that the fire would have been lit to ward off the oncoming winter chill he certainly couldn't have climbed up the chimney.

"What's happened?" Fili demanded.

His brother looked at him wide eyed, his mouth open but no sound was forthcoming.

"Kili? Where's Bilbo?"

The hobbit in question had taken advantage of the confusion and slipped from his chair to close the door. The heads of both Durin heirs snapped round and stared at it.

"He's disappeared." Kili whispered.

"He can't have. Hobbits don't just magically..." but whatever else Fili had to say on the subject froze on his lips as the kettle lifted itself from its hook over the fire and poured its hot water into Bilbo's newly acquired teapot.

A ghostly chuckle whispered around them as the both stood with their mouths hanging open, watching as, with tea now brewed, the teapot poured its contents into three cups.

"It won't poison you, I promise." Said Bilbo's disembodied voice. "But it might take the last of those hangovers away." And then as suddenly as he had disappeared he reappeared, sitting once more in his chair. He leant forward to pick up his cup and drink his tea.

"Do you see Kili? Bard won't quite know what to believe."

"What do you mean? How did you do that?" Fili looked between the hobbit and his brother. "Will one of you please tell me what's going on?"

"Will you, or shall I?" Bilbo asked the now recovered younger dwarf.

Kili explained the plan with gleeful relish. Fili's eyes lit up.

"Can I help?"

"The more the merrier."

"Great, only..."

The hobbit's expressive eyebrows rose.

"Well, even the men of Dale have heard that we..." he gestured to his brother and himself "...are always playing pranks – they'll know as soon as they see it's us that the ghost isn't real."

Bilbo smiled.

"That's as may be, but how will they explain it when someone pulls the sheet off me and there's no-one there? All you have to do is make sure you're not around when that happens – they'll probably think they've had too much to drink."

xXx

If anyone though anything of the odd grins that occasionally lit Thorin's nephew's faces unbidden or their tendency to suddenly look up and chuckle, no-one said anything.

Life in Erebor had returned to as near normal as it was possible to get, with all but a small area of the city inhabited by Durin's folk returned from Ered Luin. That small area housed the Company – thirteen dwarves, their families, and one hobbit who was really more dwarf than hobbit these days – and as the 'Lads' as they were affectionately known kept their antics to with the Company area, this odd behaviour was overlooked.

And when Bilbo excused himself to retire early, and Fili and Kili claimed they fancied a ride down to Dale to try the ale down there, none of the rest of the company were particularly suspicious.

xXx

Bilbo was waiting, as planned, in Kili's room. An old sheet with eye holes cut into it, and shortened enough that it didn't trip him but instead appeared to be floating off the ground was tied in a bundle at his feet.

"Ready?" he asked as the brothers came to collect him.

Twin grins answered him, so without further ado he tucked the sheet under his jacket and put on the ring.

Invisible now, he laid his hand on Kili's shoulder and followed them through to where their horses sat ready. Getting up behind the young dwarf with there being a suspicious amount of pushing and tugging was difficult, but Fili managed to distract the dwarves working in the stables long enough for Bilbo to get comfortably seated behind his brother.

Fortunately for Bilbo the weather was quite mild, and his hour wait for the brothers to leave the inn was not too cold.

For this to work properly he had to take off the ring, put the sheet down, then replace the ring – that way when he draped the sheet back over himself it wasn't under the ring's spell.

Right on time Fili exited through the inn door, followed closely by Kili. Bilbo swiftly donned his costume, and making the most bloodcurdling groaning and wailing noise that he could held out his arms as if to capture the two dwarves.

Trying hard not to laugh they turned and bolted back through the door.

"There's something out there!" Kili yelled.

"It's a ghost!" Fili added.

Bard was among the drinkers that night, and he laughed along with the other men of Dale.

"Your reputations are well known here," he said. "We know all about your pranks."

"No, honestly," Kili grabbed the man's arm. "It's a..."

At that point, right on cue, the 'ghost' entered through the open door. With a piercing wail it staggered towards the nearest table, and the occupants rose and scattered like leaves on the wind.

All around was confusion and chaos as men and women, as well as passing traders both elves and dwarves, all tried at once to leave from the other exit.

In the panic the Durin brothers slipped out the way they had come in, and from the shadows they peered through a window as Bilbo – having an enormous degree of fun – whirled around the room chasing after people, and being chased in turn.

One or two of the men, Bard included, had decided that this could not be a ghost, because ghosts after all were spirits of the dead, and therefore they would resemble their dead selves as they had looked when alive... or at least that is what they told themselves.

After several frantic minutes the ghost came close enough to the leader of the community of Dale for him to step up in front of it and grasp the sheet.

"Now, we'll see which of those bloody dwarves you really are!" he declared, and pulled the sheet away.

There was a gasp, and then the room fell silent. All eyes were on Bard, and the grubby piece of sheet in his hand.

"It's real." Said a voice at the back of the room.

"It can't be!" said another.

One woman screamed and ran, leaving her husband to stare after her in shock, another woman sidled away to surreptitiously drink several of the abandoned tankards of ale. Invisible to the inn's patrons Bilbo Baggins, hobbit, burglar, and now chief practical joker, slipped away to join his friends at the stable yard behind the hostelry.

Silent laughter convulsed through the three of them until they deemed themselves far enough away to escape retribution, then as the hobbit once more removed the ring they all let their laughter out, startling their mounts and a good many nesting birds but they cared little for that, it had been worth every minute of their planning to see the townsfolk in uproar.

xXx

The brothers walked back through the gates of Erebor, each of them with an arm flung around Bilbo's shoulders. As they passed into the hall the hobbit slipped the ring back on, and they walked together towards the common room where the company of Thorin Oakenshield spent their free time.

"Hello lads!" Bofur was the only occupant of the room to notice them arrive, and he stood up and looked them over. "And what new prank is this then?"

His question brought the brothers to the attention of every other member of the Company.

"No prank." Fili grinned.

"Why should we not walk in with Bilbo between us, we've just had an interesting evening in Dale and thought we'd come to share the tale with you." Kili added.

"Bilbo? Where?" Dori asked.

"Why, right here." Fili replied with a smile, gesturing to the empty space between them.

"But there's no-one there!" Ori declared moving closer.

"Ah but there is." Came Bilbo's voice, and Ori – for the very first time in his life – fainted dead away.


End file.
